Breakdown of Champions League Groups

Courtesy of Lucas Hollister:

First, the Arsenal analysis. Arsenal have a history of favorable group stage draws, and this one was no different. While I think that the Liverpool, Porto, Besiktas, Marseille group is the easiest, if AEK Athens pulls off an upset, Arsenal are looking at perhaps the easiest group in the history of the competition. I will now go out and buy an AEK Athens jersey. That said, Arsenal also have a history of making easy draws much harder than they need to be. Prague and Bucharest were close to best-case-scenario teams for their pots. For pots three and four, the most important thing was to avoid a trip to Turkey (Fenerbahce are dangerous, as are their fans!) or Russia (they spray paint their fields green to hide the fact that they are frozen dirt!).

Now, for the group by group analysis:

Group A (Liverpool, Porto, Marseille, Besiktas):
Tough trips to Turkey, but Besiktas aren't that good a team. Liverpool and Porto should be easily better than Marseille and Besiktas. Marseille could slip ahead of Porto, but I don't see it happening. The departure of Ribery deprives Marseille of the one world-class player they had. The French league has been Lyon and everyone else for four years now. I don't see that changing this year. Benitez is the best Champion's League coach bar none. He has reached four finals in the last ten years, winning one. Never bet against his tactical acumen in a two game tie. Plus, Steven Gerrard is money under pressure and Riise gives you that "goal out of nothing" capability. Like most people, I like Liverpool better this year than last year.

Group B (Chelsea, Valencia, Schalke, Rosenborg):
Chelsea is a given. Mourinho is another great coach, in addition to being a great douchebag. Coach aside, they beat this group on squad strength alone. Valencia has been underrated this decade, in my estimation, but they don't look that strong this year. It's not so much a question of talent for them as chemistry. Read Phil Ball's latest article and you'll see that this is a club in turmoil. Villa is one hell of a striker, though. I still like Valencia to go through, but only because I don't think much of Schalke or Rosenborg. Schalke could be surprising, but the German league hasn't shown much these last few years. Rosenborg have a reputation for being difficult to beat at home, but they can't hang with any of the top three in this group. They'll be lucky to get two points.

Group C (Real, Werder, Lazio, Olympiakos):
Great group. This should be an exciting one. Real finally looks like they might have a balanced squad. They lost Beckham, which was more of a hit than some people might think. More importantly, they fired Capello for no reason. All he did was lead them to a Spanish league title. This guy's been a winner wherever he's gone, and Madrid fired him because he dared to coach defense. As always, the talent is there in spades for Madrid and, as always, chemistry will be the main question mark. Werder are the best German side. I love watching them play. They attack with passion and flair, but give up goals. They know from past experience that they can beat Real, and won't be afraid to take the game to them. I don't know much about Lazio, besides the fact that they fascists and play for my least favorite league in Europe. They may be the second best team in this group, but I'll be rooting against them. Olympiakos have a history of playing hard when outgunned, and Greek sides usually have discipline on defense. This is a fun group.

Group D (AC Milan, Benfica, Celtic, Shakhtar):
Boring group. Milan deserved to win the CL last year, but they didn't deserve to be in the competition. Italian football is a disgrace and these guys are cheaters. That said, they've got some very elegant players. Portuguese teams remind me a lot of French teams from the mid-90's: technical, inventive, disciplined. Porto and Benfica are never easy games, especially away. Celtic pulled off a great win against Spartak Moscow. Nakamura is a game changer from set pieces. I don't see them having enough to get through. Shakhtar will be dangerous at home, and no one wants to have to travel to the Ukraine. I won't be watching any games from this group, supposing they are even televised.

Group E (Barcelona, Lyon, Stuttgart, Rangers):
Very obvious group. Lyon continue to be a great side. Even without Malouda, they are strong at every position. I think that the injury to Eto'o may benefit Barca in the long term. Henry is going to be very good for them. This lets him get familiar with the team.
Stuttgart will be ok. Rangers don't have the quality, though they have the fight. Fun games, but predictable outcomes.

Group F (Manchester United, Sporting Lisbon, Roma, Dynamo Kiev):
Hardest group. Not a single pushover here. Roma will be out for revenge and Sporting Lisbon are another great, technical Portuguese side. Manchester United's injury situation will be key coming into these draws. I'm always pulling for Dynamo Kiev. For those who don't know, the movie Victory is maybe 1/10 as astonishing as what Dynamo Kiev actually did against the Nazi's during WWII. I've told this story to so many of my friends, that I hesitate to put it up on plans, but if anyone hasn't heard it, let me know and I'll type it up. ESPN is constantly overplaying the human interest, drama, glory aspects of various mundane sports stories. Dynamo Kiev's history is legitimately one of the greatest of all time. It deserves to be remembered alongside Jesse Owens' victories in Berlin.
That said, that was then and this is now: they aren't getting out of this group.

Group G (Inter, Moscow, Fenerbahce, Eindhoven):
Inter is competing with Arsenal for weakest 1 seed in the CL. This is an incredibly evenly matched group. Fenerbahce was the 4 seed that no one wanted to draw. Playing in Moscow in the winter is borderline insane. Eindhoven always have talent, although losing Alex to Chelsea (for $1) doesn't help their cause. Unpredictable group. Should be fun games.

Group H:
I've already talked a lot about this one, but I should mention that Sevilla is a really, really good team. If they keep Alves and Juande Ramos, as it looks like they might, watch out. If this team had qualified, they easily could have won the CL last year. They are pure class.